To start over or stay? When facing such a life changing decision, seek the Lord. This was a lesson learned over many years. As the Lord leads I will share more, but the following encapsulates the wrestling within and the Lord’s response for this exact question:
Oh the feverish restlessness that leaves me unsettled in every area of my life. What others find contentment with this heart struggles with feeling entrapped. Maybe I’ll find what I seek in another job, another location, another marriage/relationship, another lifestyle. If I leave all I have worked for, all I know behind, then perhaps I’ll find that elusive peace and contentment this heart so desperately yearns for.
I’ve sought for peace and purpose with substance and distractions, but emptiness remains. This feverish restlessness originates from a place of unspeakable loss that has caused my life to resemble nothing that it was. I look back in earnest longing to the days and years I knew of happiness and great delight, my days now are as a shadow of the past glory.
What shall I do? Should I start over and make a new life for myself? At times You lead me on to new pastures and other times you say stay right where I have been planted and be willing to be poured out even in brokenness. At this time, I want to run away and start a new life, but I know you bid me to stay. I wrestle with you daily to, “Let me go and do what I want with my life?!” and You hear, “Let me go and do what I think I want to do with my life?!” The truth of the matter: you have the words of life, wither can I go from Thee?
Oh Beloved, my flesh cries out and my heart bleeds from brokenness, but I offer My life – what there is of it – to Thee, I stay where You have placed me until You choose to move me.
My dearest heart, I pick up the broken pieces. Though your life seems like shattered glass fragmented beyond repair, unable to reflect the previous glory, I make a new reflection. I fashion you to reflect not even your best self, but Me. Come and be one with Me to display My glory. This does not mean you must walk in desolation, but you will be unmoved by the terrain.
You will be content in plenty or in want, you will owe no man anything but the continuing debt to love. You will not rely upon men to satisfy you and confirm your worth, for in exaltation or rejection your worth comes from My value of you. Oh, I paid the price to restore you to your created purpose.
What man sees as loss I call transition. In time there are seasons that change, but I Am your constant in time and in eternity. Give your whole heart, soul, strength, and mind to Me and let me move you from strength to strength and from glory to glory. You will not look back over your life with sentimental longing but will look to Me the Author and Finisher of your faith. A moment in My presence is more satisfying than a lifetime of man contrived circumstances.
“‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.’”