After a long season of the Lord leading me into uncomfortable places, stretching me to what I thought were my limits, strengthening me to stand in places that were not my choice, and doing a deep work of refinement in my heart and mind, I cried out to Jesus, the One who knows the answer, “Where do I fit in, Oh Lord? Where do I fit? What have you made me for?”
Yours is to do as I lead. Oh, how good a road I have planned for you. How pleasant a walk that fits your heart of adventure. I have always seen you as My adventurer, for I know you would not be satisfied with a quiet life others are called to and find great satisfaction in. No my love, out there in the midst of turmoil where you walk upon the waters with Me is where you fit.
Oh, how pleasant to walk in My ways laid out for you. Unmoved by circumstances, yet moved by the slightest glance of My eye. Unmoved by the clamoring of men’s tongues, yet moved by the quietest whisper from My Spirit. Easily bowed down at the slightest awareness of My heart, flowing in worship to Me yet unmovable in the face of opposition. Oh the slightest move of My Spirit moves you greatly, how aware you are of Me. Stay focused upon Me, have I not trained you in every circumstance to be this way.
You disarm me, Oh God. You draw me deeper into Thee where even My desires become one with yours. You change me where I did not know I needed refinement. You lead me on paths I would not choose for myself, yet You call these pleasant paths. These which I do not think I am meet and fit for, but You, Oh God, know My heart and what you are molding me to be. Thank you for your gentle touch and long-suffering with me.
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you. If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Heavenly *First Love* Instrumental by Eric Gilmour